As I Am
by knockknocktimerico
Summary: Rico spends the night alone with his doll, reflecting on his life. Find out about a side of Rico that no one has seen before.
1. Beginnings

_Hey what's up, first of all I would like to thank you for showing interest in my fic. That means a lot to me. Second I thought I should let you know this is my first fic so reviews no matter how positive or negative will be greatly appreciated. That's all for now so lets get on with the show._

**Beginnings**

It was an absolute perfect afternoon at the central park zoo, the sun was setting, the people were leaving, and the weather couldn't have been

better. Standing alone on the cement island in the middle of the penguins' habitat to take in this fabulous day was Rico. The rest of the team had

made their way over to Marlene's for dinner and a movie, Rico decided to pass. He didn't get to be by himself a lot, so when the opportunity arose

to spend a few hours alone he couldn't say no.

He peered down at the water and saw his reflection staring back at him, after a moment of thought he chose to dive head first into the water and

go for a swim. He always loved swimming, the way the water felt as it flew past his feathers, the freedom he got as swam to his heart's consent.

The stout penguin swam with grace and agility through the water as if nothing could stop him.

After he had let half an hour pass Rico decided it was best to go back into the HQ and spend the remainder of the night inside. He got out, shook

his feathers dry, and dropped down the fishbowl entrance into the penguin HQ. Once inside, Rico made a B-line for the fridge. He opened the door

and grabbed several fish off a plate. He slammed the door shut and made his way over to the table and sat across from his doll. He glanced

around the HQ noticing how peaceful it was with out the hustle and bustle of military life, Rico enjoyed the serenity.

After taking in the moment Rico turned his attention to his doll. He always felt he could be himself around her. She always listened to what he said

and talked very little (if at all). As he sat there staring into her eyes, he felt it was time to tell her more about his past. He never did get around to

telling her how he got there, or what he did before he arrived at Central Park, so Rico knew this was as good a time as ever to tell her. He also

saw this as a chance for himself to reflect on his own life.

Had anyone besides his doll been there to listen to Rico, they would have been bombarded by grunts and exaggerated flipper movements

reminiscent of an Italian man. But to Rico he was speaking perfectly understandable english. "I feel like there's a lot about me that you don't

know" Rico began as he finished the last fish on his plate. "And I feel like now would be the best time to share with you the events shaped my life

to what it is now, if you don't mind" he continued. He was awaiting a response but the doll just stared at him and smiled its same old smile. He

waited a moment before continuing "OK, let's get started" he said as he sat up right in his chair, getting ready to dig deep into his memories.

_I know it's a little short but I felt like that was a good spot to stop. I promise that the next chapter will be longer. Thank you for reading and don't forget to review _


	2. Mother Superior

_If your reading this that means you've shown interest in what I have written. That alone deserves a thank you from me. Don't forget to review, it's what keeps me writing and is my motivation to get these chapters done. Grazie! _

**Mother Superior**

As Rico adjusted himself in his chair as he thought about how he would go about telling his precious doll about his fragile past. He had been

through a lot, seen so much, that it seemed impossible to put it all in to words. He had to tell her, he had to make sure that someone understood

him as well as he did. So many things that he needed to tell people, so much to get off his chest.

Rico gathered his thoughts and stared back into the eyes of his doll. He had to start somewhere, why not start from the beginning. "As you may

know I wasn't born in captivity like the rest of my team. I was born in Antarctica like most penguins are" Rico said as he started to explain his

childhood. "I was a trouble maker as a kid, always trying to blow things up to make up for my lack of social skills." Rico frowned as he stopped for

a second to think about how many times he had been the odd one out.

The other kids didn't like Rico very much, and there were two reasons why. For starters no one could understand what he was saying. That was a

big problem when ever Rico tried to make new friends. The kids would constantly make fun of Rico for his verbal disability. They gave him the

chance to show them who he really was. So instead of trying to make new friends Rico often kept himself busy by blowing up what ever he could

get his flippers on. He always was, and still is, jealous of explosions. Everyone could understand an explosion; it didn't need to repeat its self four

or five times only to be misunderstood.

The second reason the other kids didn't hang out with Rico had to do with his high level of aggression. He would always take things way too far.

This was evident in a pickup hockey game with a few other penguins. After a few altercations, he ended up sending two birds home with broken

beaks, another home with a fractured flipper, and the last with a shiner the size of an apple. "Maybe I was a little too aggressive as a kid" Rico

thought to himself as he remembered what he had done that day.

As Rico shared his experiences with his doll his mood took a turn for the worst after he recalled his troubled childhood. He had never realized how

much of an outcast he was. He never did once get invited to a party; he had very few friends if any, and there was always the communication

problem. You could easily tell these were memories he had stowed in the back of his mind.

As tough as his childhood was there was one constant that kept him going thought all the tough times, this constant was his mother. Rico had a

father but he never got a chance to meet him. Shortly after he was hatched his father left to get some fish and never returned. Some think that

he got attacked by a leopard seal, while others believe he just left to start anew somewhere else. Never the less his father had very little

influence on his life.

His mother on the other hand was a driving factor in his life. She was the sweetest person Rico had ever met. She was a saint to him. She was

caring, accepting, and most of all proud. She didn't care that he was different, he was her baby and she would do anything to protect him.

This willingness to protect him, unfortunately, turned out to be her downfall. Not long after Rico had shed his last down feather, Rico and his

mother went fishing for the fist time together. They had found a nice place for them to catch fish from. It was secluded from the rest of the

penguins and had fish ripe for the picking. Little did they know that they were not the only ones who happened to know about this little gold mine

of fish. Not far from them was a very stocky, very hungry looking leopard seal. After noticing the penguins the leopard seal quickly made his way

over to them. He was looking forward to his little snack.

Well it didn't take long for Rico and his mother to notice that something wasn't right. As they scanned the area around them they spotted the

leopard seal only 10 feet behind them. There was no where they could run and nothing they could do. Rico's mother instantly stepped in front of

him and slowly advanced towards the seal. She knew that there was no way she would beat the leopard seal, but she thought she could distract

it enough for Rico to get away. Unfortunately that didn't work either, as she got within range the leopard seal swatted her with its flipper sending

her flying through the air only to crash into a wall of ice. Rico watched in horror as he witnessed a large chunk of ice break and fall onto his

mother, crushing her. He knew that there was no way that she would survive and impact like that. He was completely overwhelmed with emotion;

he could not believe what he just saw. His heart sank as he realized he had just lost the only person in his life that had truly loved him. He

started to see not point in living anymore; he just wanted to be with his mother again.

He turned his attention back to the leopard seal, ready to meet his fate head on. He closed his eyes and prepared himself for the worst, which

never came. He waited for what seemed like hours before he heard a loud bang, opened his eyes, and turned to see that the leopard seal had

been shot through the head. The seal's limp body collapsed no more than 5 feet away from a still heartbroken Rico. He looked around trying to

find out where the sound came from. Behind him he saw two humans slowly approaching, one of them holding a rifle. After finally coming to grips

with what had happened, Rico let his exhaustion get to him as he passed out.

Rico began whipping the tears from his eyes as he finished telling his doll the story about his last moments with his mother. He didn't like people

seeing him cry but the thoughts of his late mother were too much for him to hold back.

_I used to be frightened of dying  
I used to think death was the end  
But that was before  
I'm not scared anymore  
I know that my soul will transcend_

_If I die tomorrow  
I'd be all right  
Because I believe  
That after we're gone  
The spirit carries on_

_Dream Theater-"The Spirit Carries On"_

_Well that's it for now; I'll try to get the next chapter up sometime this week if at all possible. I don't like to keep you guys waiting, but I gotta make sure I'm happy with it first before I post it. Anyway enough of my talking, you probably got more stories to read._

_P.S-don't forget to review ___


	3. Reaction

_I never knew how addicting writing could be. I thought the earliest this chapter would be up was Friday. Oh well. Before you read on I would just like to give a shout out to __**Porsche101**__. She has been my source of motivation, encouragement and not to mention she has taken time from her busy schedule to help proofread all these chapters. So to her I thank you. By the way if you ever get the chance read some of here stories, read them they're amazing. Well I hate to keep you guys waiting so with out further ado (you can keep your do) here is chapter three. _

**Reaction**

"I'm sorry, I usually don't get this emotional when I think of her" Rico said softly as he finished wiping the last of his tears from his cheeks. Rico

hated crying, it was a sign of weakness in the usually tough bird. He felt if his team saw him crying they would think less of him. This being so he

tried to hide his feelings as much as possible.

"Would you like to see a picture of her?" Rico asked as he glanced across the table to catch the dolls eyes. With out waiting for an answer Rico

hacked up a picture frame with portrait of a female penguin in it. She was rather large in stature and had the same little Mohawk as her son. You

could defiantly tell they were related.

Rico showed the picture to the doll, and then looked at it himself. He kissed the picture, let one final tear fall from the edge of his beak, than

swallowed it again.

He regained his composure and decided that he needed to finish his story. "Anyway, the next thing I remembered was waking up in a dark crate,

on a boat, in the middle of the ocean. I had no idea where I was heading but I knew that I would never get to see my home ever again."

What Rico didn't know was the crate he was in was heading to New York City, the Central Park Zoo to be exact. The humans he had seen before

he passed out were there to study and help the penguins. When they noticed that a female penguin, similar in appearance to Rico, they figured

that it was probably his mother. After studying her for a moment they knew she wouldn't survive her injuries. They then turned their attention to

Rico. Seeing him in the state that he was they thought it would be best to take Rico back to New York with them.

Rico spent most of the trip sitting in one corner of the crate crying. He wasn't exactly sure what he was crying about. Was it the loss of his

mother, the fact that he would never see his home again, or was he scarred about what would happen next? Rico didn't know but he just

continued to cry.

"Things have to get better, they just have to" Rico kept repeating to himself as he sat alone, his conscious his only company. He didn't know how

long he had been in the crate but it seemed like weeks. He was on the edge of sanity; all he wanted to do was get out of the crate. "I don't care

where I am, any place is better than here" Rico thought to himself as he made his way to top of the crate near the air holes. As he peered out of

the crate Rico could tell that they had left the frozen tundra of Antarctica and were now in a more continental climate. He settled back down into

the crate, regurgitated the picture of his mom and hugged it against his chest as he slowly fell asleep.

"I woke up as the crate came to a sudden stop." Rico said as he continued his story. "I swallowed the picture of my mother and proceeded to look

outside. I saw tall buildings to one side and what looked to be a park on the other. Suddenly the crate burst open. I decided to walk out of the

crate a check out my surroundings."

As Rico left the crate his senses were overwhelmed. The sight of the city, the sounds of the hustle and bustle of people scurrying around him, the

feel the cool autumn air ruffling his feathers, it was all new to him. Suddenly reality set it. He had no idea where he was, how he got there, why

he was there, or what he was suppose to do.

He glanced around himself noticing that he standing on what seemed to be a little island. He saw people looking at him as though they expected

him to do a magic trick or something. He took in the fence surrounding the enclosure, ensuring that no one could get in or out.

Just then he felt something tap his shoulder. He turned around quickly and came face to face with another penguin. He was a stocky penguin, a

few inches shorter than Rico, and seemed to have a flat head.

"At ease recruit" said the unfamiliar penguin. "I would just like to welcome you to the zoo" he added. Rico looked confused, he had never heard of

a zoo before. "Zoo?" Rico asked as he continued to survey his surroundings. "Yes, this is where people come to look at animals like you and me"

said the stocky penguin. Rico still had a confused look on his face. "You know what I'll explain it later….Now allow myself to introduce….myself. My

name is Skipper" said Skipper as he reached out his flipper. Rico shook it and grunted out "Rico".

"Well…Rico…why don't you get some rest, you look like you could use some. We'll continue this tomorrow" Skipped added as he motioned towards

the fish bowl entrance. Rico climbed down the later and looked at the wall. He noticed that there was only one bunk. Skipper noticed Rico's

expression change when he saw there was only one bunk. "Don't worry I'll sleep on the floor" Skipper said as he went to grab some extra

blankets and pillows.

After Skipper made up the bunk Rico climbed into bed. He laid he head down on the pillow and allowed his mind to swell with thoughts of his late

mother. Slowly his eyes became heavier and heavier as his vision faded to black.

_Don't forget to review. Don't hesitate to tell me what you think, or what I'm doing right or wrong. Trust me I can take it, I have thick skin. Well until next time._ _Arrivederci!! _


	4. Welcome Home

_What's up guys (and gals) it's me again. At the request of some reviewers I decided to change up the spacing for my story. For those reviewers (and you know who you are) please tell me if this is better. If not don't hesitate to tell me what to do. Speeking of reviewers I would like to thank all of you that have shared your thoughts about my story. You guys all have great things to say and I love reading them. Keep up the good work. Well I'm getting sick of hearing myself talk so now for your reading pleasure I present to you…._

**Welcome Home**

When the morning finally came upon him, Rico was a mess. He hadn't cleaned his feathers in days and they were now matted down from where he had been crying. He hadn't had a good night sleep since his mother was killed, plus he had absolutely no idea where he was.

He slowly exited the bunk and quickly surveyed the area. It was rather bleak; there was a table with some chairs on one side of the room, a stereo in the corner, and ladder leading outside.

Rico made his way towards the ladder; he climbed it and went outside. Once outside Rico was greeted by Skipper, who had just finished swimming so laps.

"Good morning…..uh…Rico…right?" Skipper asked as he shook the water off his feathers.

Rico nodded with agreement.

"You sleep ok?" questioned Skipper

This time Rico managed to grunt out a simple "no"

"Oh…well…why don't you take a swim, you look like you could use one" said Skipper as his eyes moved up and down Rico's dirty body.

Again Rico just nodded in agreement with Skipper. He dove into the water and began to swim. Skipper was impressed at how nimble he was in the water. He hadn't expected that when he first met him. Skipper certainly saw potential.

When Rico had finished swimming he jumped out of the water and landed gracefully on the floe. He shook his feathers dry and made his way towards Skipper. Skipper had a grin plastered on his face as Rico approached him.

"You're an excellent swimmer" Said Skipper as he placed his flippers on his hips. "You got any other talents?"

Rico smiled and nodded vigorously, he then regurgitated a lit stick of dynamite and simply said "Kaboom"

"Good god man what are you doing!?" Skipper screamed as he retreated upon seeing the lit dynamite. "Put that thing out before you kill us both!"

Rico frowned and let his shoulders sag as he pinched out the flame. He swallowed the explosives and sighed deeply.

Finally it hit Skipper. He figured with the right training he could get Rico to store and regurgitate objects at will. This made Skipper grin from ear to ear.

The next few days were bittersweet for Rico. He hated waking up early, and working out. Skipper also had him practice swallowing and regurgitating several different sized objects. Rico didn't enjoy this either.

The only silver lining to all this was that the constant work managed to take Rico's mind off the events that had transpired no more than a week ago.

As the weeks went on the training became easier as Rico got in shape. He actually was starting to enjoy the "military life" as Skipper put it. He also found himself thinking more clearly as his tragic memories sank deeper into his sub-conscious.

*******

"For the first time in about two months I finally felt like I was home." Rico said as he got up and began to clean off his plate. "And for the first time in my life I finally felt accepted."

Rico finished cleaning off his plate and walked over to his doll. He picked her up and decided to continue the story outside. He put one flipper around her waist and used the other to climb the ladder.

Once outside Rico could feel the cool New York wind ruffles his feathers. He enjoyed the cold weather; it always reminded him of Antarctica and his mother.

He sat down at the edge of the floe and placed his doll next to him, their legs dangling of the side. Rico stared down into the water; he could see the stars glimmering in the reflection.

Rico then turned his attention to the doll. He placed his flipper around her shoulder and drew her in closer. He gave her one quick kiss on the cheek and laid her head down on his shoulder while he laid his head on hers.

He sat there with the doll in his arm, silent, as he stared up at the stars. He cherished every moment as he realized this was the first romantic thing they had done years. Everything was perfect, just him, his doll, and a few 100,000 stars in the dark night sky.

Finally after a half an hour of silence Rico finally spoke up "You know I would love to continue my story, but I feel it could wait for another night." Rico knew he could probably finish it tonight but he didn't feel like ruining this picturesque moment.

After a while Rico got the feeling that something wasn't right. He felt like someone was watching them. He looked to his left, nothing. He looked to his right, again nothing. Quickly Rico spun his head around to look behind him. As he did so he saw someone duck their head into the fishbowl entrance.

Rico got up, grabbed his doll, and headed towards the entrance. He peered down just in time to see Private scurry out of sight. Rico only sighed as he began to climb down the ladder to confront the youngest penguin.

_Remember don't forget to review. I promise that I will try to get chapter 5 up quicker than this one (maybe this weekend but don't get your hopes up). Well until next time Arrivederci!!_


	5. Calamity

_What's up, it's me again. This may be my favorite chapter I've written so far. I busted my butt this weekend to get this chapter done so I hope you guys enjoy it. Don't forget to review please._

**Calamity**

Rico climbed down the ladder and looked around the HQ. Skipper and Kowalski were sitting in front of the TV watching the news. He looked to his right and saw Private acting like he hadn't just been caught spying on Rico and his Doll.

Rico slowly made his way over to Private. He stood behind him with his flippers on his hips waiting for Private to turn around. Private could feel Rico's presence and turned around to come face to face with the manic penguin.

"Oh hey there Rico" Private squeaked "w…what did y…you do to…to…tonight" Private asked nervously.

Rico just stood there, obviously not buying Privates attempts to act innocent. Rico stuck out his flipper and hit Private on the head. Not hard enough to hurt him, but hard enough to tell Private that he wasn't an idiot.

Finally Private gave in "ok you caught me. I was coming up to tell you that we were back, but then I saw you two sitting there and I didn't want to ruin the moment. So I was just going to wait until you were done but then you turned around and saw me…and I didn't want you to get mad at me so I tried to hide but it didn't work." Private looked at the floor and put his flippers behind his back.

Rico could tell that Private hadn't meant to spy on them. He felt a little guilty for scaring Private like that. Rico simply smiled and placed a flipper on Privates shoulder. Private looked up and knew that this was his way of saying that he forgave him.

Private smiled at this "Oh thank you Rico, I promise it won't happen again."

Private happily skipped over to Skipper and Kowalski and sat down to watch the news. Not long after Rico followed Private to the TV.

"So you do anything interesting tonight" asked Skipper and Rico sat down in front of the TV.

Rico thought for a second, looked at Skipper, shook his head and grunted "nope, you?"

"Oh...nothing really. You know just dinner and a movie, nothing more, nothing less. " Rico could sense a hint of uncertainty in Skippers statement. He could tell that Skipper was lying.

"But Skippa what about you and Marlene" questioned Private

"What are you talking about Private" Skipper answered as he blushed a little under his feathers.

"Oh come one Skipper you think no one saw you holding her paw through out the entire movie" Kowalski said as he turned his attention from the TV to Skipper.

"I wasn't holding her paw; my flipper was just close to it. I never held it." Skipper was getting defensive. His blush was now visible through his thick feathers.

"How bout when you put your flipper around her shoulder" asked Private

"I was only s….stretching" Skipper's voice lacked its normal confidence. His statement sounded more like a question. Kowalski could also tell he was lying and decided to press forward.

"And what about that good night kiss on the cheek Skipper" Kowalski added as a smirk crossed his face.

"She had something stuck in her fur and I was getting it out for her" replied Skipper.

"With your beak Skipper, that seems highly illogical" That had done it; Kowalski had successfully driven the proverbial nail through Skipper's coffin.

"Well….I….you see it was…..she had….It wasn't….um" Skipper stumbled on his words as he searched for a response. Despite his best efforts he was losing, and badly at that. Kowalski and Private showed no signs of slowing down.

"How bout when she fell asleep on your shoulder Skippa" said Private

"And when you hugged her after dinner" Kowalski asked

"Well….it's….you see….it's not like that….it's…..hard to explain….we kind of….well…um….sort of…" Skippers face was completely red.

"You know what it's getting late and we should get some sleep we have training early tomorrow morning" Skipper said quickly in an attempt to change the subject. At this point he was getting desperate.

Kowalski and Private knew that they had won. They decided not to test their luck and just go along with Skipper.

"You're right Skippa, I am getting kinda tired" agreed Private as he yawned.

With that the four penguins got up and headed towards the bunks. They climbed into their respective beds and laid their head on their pillows, almost instantly Kowalski, Private, and Skipper fell asleep.

Rico on the other hand just lay in bed, his mind swollen with thoughts.

He thought about Skipper and Marlene; he knew that they liked each other; he could see it in the way they acted around each other. He laughed at how Kowalski and Private had embarassed Skipper.

He thought about what he had told his Doll that night. It had been a while since he had dug that deep into his memories.

He had been through so many emotions that night, sadness, joy, excitement, fear, anger, disgust, and many more, some he had never felt before. He felt like he had gotten in touch with a part of himself he never knew existed.

Even though this night was very eventful for him, Rico knew that he wasn't done. He still had much more to tell her, Rico had only scratched the surface of his past.

_Thanks for reading. I'm not sure when the next chapter will be up, hopefully some time this week. Remember to review and to share your thoughts with me. Until next time arrivederci!_


	6. A Nightmare to Remember

_Whats up, again. I won't do much talking this time. Just the usual don't forget to review, yadda yadda yadda, and all that jazz. Enjoy!_

**A Nightmare to Remember**

There was no way for Rico to prepare for the night that he had ahead of him. As he laid his head on his pillow his mind began to swim as thoughts of his youth poured out of his sub-conscious.

He closed his eyes and slowly began to slip out of reality.

_When Rico opened his eyes he was surrounded by white. He looked around, confused, looking for something, but only saw more of the colorless light. _

_Rico quickly rubbed his eyes and tried to regain his composure. When he removed his flippers form his eyes a feeling of familiarity came upon him._

_He realized he was no longer in his bunk, no longer in the penguins HQ, and most of all no longer in the safe confinements of the Central Park Zoo. No he was back in his childhood home, back in the wild, back in Antarctica._

_As the chilling realization crossed Rico's mind he tensed up. _

_He had promised him self he would never return once he left. Little did he know that some promises were meant to be broken._

_Rico began to panic, not knowing where he was. He franticly surveyed the area, trying to map out where he was._

_Unfortunately there was nothing, just the snow covered ground between his feet, and a little sun light poking through the clouded sky above his head._

_Suddenly out of his peripheral vision Rico noticed a small black object lethargically coming towards him. He turned to face unknown entity. Rico squinted his eyes to get a better look at the slowly advancing creature._

_Rico's face lit up with joy when he realized who was walking towards him. His eyes began to fill with tears. In a shaky, raspy voice Rico managed to say "mom"_

_He ran to his mother and held her in a loving embrace. He was overcome with emotion, the last time he had seen his mother she was laying, dead, with a huge piece of ice on top of her._

"_I thought I'd never see you again" Rico said as he began to sob, still in his mothers embrace, tears flowing from his eyes._

"_Oh… now honey why would you ever think that" said Rico's mother as she pulled out of her son's grasps so she could look him in the eyes, her flippers still on his shoulders._

"_I don't know I saw you laying on the ground, then the ice fell and hit you,…and…and I just didn't know what to thi-" Rico was cut off when his mother up her flipper up to his beak._

"_Shh…shhhh…don't worry about any of that. I'm here now and that's all that matters" His mothers voice was comforting to Rico. "Look at you" she began as she inspected her son "all big and grown up, I couldn't be more proud of you"_

_Rico smiled a little "oh mom….I missed you so much" Rico had stopped crying for the moment but his feathers were now heavily matted down from the tears. "When you left I… I just didn't know what to do with my self."_

"_Its ok honey, you don't need to explain it to me, I know" she started "I've been watching over you for a while now. I know all about how they took you to Central Park, and I know all about Skipper and the others" She smiled a bit as she thought about all her son had accomplished since she left._

_Rico felt relived that he had had an angel watching over him through all the tough times. Again Rico began to bawl "I sorry mom I'm just so… so happy to see you again." He reached out and once again hugged his mother. "Just promise me you won't leave again"_

_As soon as Rico said that his mother began to dissolve in his flippers. He tried to hold her tighter but she continued to disappear. _

"_NO…NO YOU CAN'T LEAVE AGAIN, NOT AGAIN, NOOO!" Rico screamed as he realized that he was losing his mother for a second time._

"_Remember son, I love you, and I always will" Rico's mother said as she and her voice faded. _

_Rico stood still, in complete denial. "No, no she can't be gone, no not again" Rico's voice was now soft. He put his face in his flippers and began to weep again. He once again had to deal with the pain of losing the only person who truly loved him._

_All of a sudden the white world around him turned to black. He was no longer standing on the snow covered ice of Antarctica. Rico was now floating in a black nothingness. _

_Rico glanced up from his flippers to see he was surrounded by black. He started to notice a head making it's self visible through the darkness._

_He recognized who the head belonged to. It was the head of his doll, only it lacked its usual smile. Instead it had an evil grin plastered across its face. Rico was deeply disturbed by the way his doll looked. Suddenly it spoke._

"_It was all YOUR fault Rico. You could have saved her" The dolls voice was dark and evil, almost as if it were possessed._

"_No… no there was nothing I could have done…nothing" Rico was terrified by what the doll was saying. He had always felt guilty about his mother's death. She sacrificed her life so he could continue to live._

"_It was all YOUR fault Rico. You could have saved her" The doll repeated, its voice getting louder "all YOUR fault Rico, ALL… YOUR… FAULT" now the doll was yelling at him._

"_No…No it wasn't my fault…No there was nothing I could've done…No No NO!!" Rico screamed at the top of his lungs._

Rico quickly sat up in his bunk. He was drenched in a cold sweat. His heart was beating faster than it ever had before. Rico began to cry again once he realized it was only a dream.

He quickly noticed that he was not alone. Standing around his bunk was Skipper, Private and Kowalski. They all stared are Rico with concerned eyes.

"Rico are you alright" Skipper questioned as he noticed that Rico was crying.

In all the time Skipper had spent with Rico not once did he see the manic penguins shed a single tear. So he knew that something was bothering him.

Rico quickly wiped the tears away and grunted "uh huh" as he nodded his head.

Skipper wasn't buying it but decided not press on, he would question him later.

"Good because we have training in 5 minutes." Skipper said as he and the others turned to go out the fishbowl entrance.

Rico took his time getting out of bed and slowly followed his fellow penguins outside.

_I hoped you guys like it. I will be gone this weekend so I'm not sure when the next chapter will be up. Well until next time Arrivederci!_


	7. Inner Turbulence

_Well it was a long weekend for me. Trust me when I say Illinois is a boring state, and it's not fun to drive through. When I finally got home I busted my butt to get this chapter up for you, so hopefully you enjoy it. _

**Inner Turbulence**

As Rico made his way up the ladder he felt the urge to look back. He turned his head around and his eyes caught those of his dolls.

He stood, frozen, as his nightmare from the night before flooded into his mind.

"It's all your fault" He heard the doll say as the possessed face flashed before his eyes. "You could have saved her" Rico heard again as the dolls face once more flashed in front of him, this time, however it got closer, it's grin piercing Rico's hard outer shell.

He could feel him self starting to lose control of his thoughts while he slowly slipped back into his nightmare. Just then he heard Skipper voice call from the top of the ladder "Rico, lets go we haven't got all day"

He shook his head and quickly snapped back into reality. Rico climbed the ladder and came face to face with his team. He could tell they had been waiting for him.

"Well now that we're all here" Skipper said as he shot a look at Rico "We can start practicing our flipper to flipper combat. Kowalski you come with me and Private you're with Rico."

Private gulped at the thought of having to go flipper to flipper with manic penguin. He knew that even if Rico wasn't 100% he would still get beat. He nervously made his was over to Rico as Skipper and Kowalski went to the other side of the penguin's cement island.

Private looked at Rico standing in front of him. His shoulders were sagged and his eyes were fixated on the ground. Private could tell that there was something methodically eating away at him.

"Alright men first one to get knocked over loses" Skipper said as he explained the drill. "Ready, set, GO!" Skipper barked as he advanced towards Kowalski.

Rico was so lost in his thoughts that when he finally heard Skippers orders to begin he suddenly looked up from the ground, his eyes darting from one side to the other trying to figure out where he was.

Private noticed that Rico was confused and decided to exploit the manic penguins' sudden befuddled state. Private lunged forward and planted his foot square in the middle of Rico's chest.

Rico could feel his breath leaving his lungs as he saw the ground get closer and closer and with a thud he hit the ground. The air was silent as Skipper and Kowalski stopped fighting to see Rico lying on the ground with Private standing over him. They were in total shock, Private included.

"Private…did you just beat Rico?" Skipper asked already knowing the answer.

"I believe I did sir" Private replied in his normally cheery voice.

"Well…um…good job Private" Skipper said as he faked enthusiasm. Sure he was happy for Private but he knew that there were bigger problems that had to be addressed, and that he was not happy about.

"Kowalski, Private you two go enjoy yourselves. I'm giving you early leave for today." Skipper said as he smiled at them.

Kowalski and Private high fived each other a few times and started towards the fishbowl entrance when Private finally realized something. "Wait Skippa, what about Rico?"

"Don't worry about him young Private, I'm just going to have a little talk with him" Skipper replied. And with that Private nodded and went down the ladder into the HQ.

Skipper now turned all his attention towards Rico, who was just lying on the ground still not sure what was going on.

"Rico you haven't been yourself today. Is there something that's bothering you?" Skipper asked as he helped Rico off the ground.

"Nope" Rico responded.

"If that's the case than why did I see you crying this morning? In all the time I've known you, not once have I seen you cry until this morning. And what about losing to Private? You never lose to Private in flipper to flipper combat." Skipper said as he saw through Rico's lie. "Now I'm going to ask you one more time, is there something that you need to tell us?"

Rico let out a long, deep sigh and slowly nodded his head yes.

"Well what is it solider?" Skipper questioned.

Rico began to grunt and squawk as he explained to Skipper what he had done the night before with his doll. He explained how he lost his mother, and how he got captured and sent to New York. He told him about his nightmare and explained why he had been crying the morning.

Skipper was flabbergasted by what he was hearing. He had never known about this side of Rico. He started to see Rico not so much as a psychopath but more as a penguin with a troubled past.

Finally after Rico had finished Skipper got a chance to speak. "I'm sorry Rico…I never knew you had such a difficult past." He said as he placed a comforting flipper on Rico's shoulder.

"I think it would be best to tell the others your story Rico. That is, of course, if you feel comfortable doing so." Skipper suggested.

Rico didn't want to go through the pain of recalling his mother's death again, but he knew that Kowalski and Private needed to know.

He nodded in agreement with Skipper.

"Well I think the sooner you get this done with, the better off the whole team will be." Skipper said. He thought about how his team would be if Rico had all this on his mind during a mission. It was not a pretty image.

They both turned and headed to down the fishbowl entrance. Rico realized for the second time in 24 hours he would have to relive his painful memories.

_Hoped you enjoyed the chapter. I would like to thank **Monsy 38** for putting up with me through the majority of this story. She's been a big help so far and I imagine she will be in the future. I would also like to that YOU for reading, and hopefully reviewing. Well until next time arrivederci!_


	8. Breathe in, Breathe out

_Hey guys it's me again! I wanna know what you guys think of this chapter cause I'm not sure how I feel about it. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter and don't forget to review._

**Breathe in, Breathe out**

Skipper jumped down the fishbowl entrance, not even touching the ladder. Rico on the other hand, took his time getting into the HQ. He needed to prepare himself for the onslaught of emotion he was about to go through again.

Skipper made his way over to the TV where he found Private and Kowalski enjoying their unexpected day off.

"Alright men change in plans" Skipper said as he placed a flipper on Private's shoulder, causing him to turn his attention from the TV to Skipper.

"But I thought you said we could have the day off Skippa." Private said as he looked up at his leader.

"Well Rico has something he needs to tell you guys" Skipper replied. He looked over to see Rico staring blankly at them.

Little did Skipper know Rico was lost deep in his own thoughts. Ever since he began telling his doll about his past, Rico's mind has been a maze that he can't seem to figure out, his memories piercing through his sub-conscious and pouring into his head. This sudden rush of memories caused Rico to have flashbacks.

_Rico was half way cross the world, once again back in Antarctica. He was young and still had most of his down feathers. Rico was in his old home, getting ready to go to sleep. As he climbed into bed his mother appeared from another room._

"_Hey honey" she said sweetly as she waddled over to the side of the bed. She tucked Rico in and planted a loving kiss on his forehead._

"_I love you Rico" his mother said. She then turned around and headed towards the door. Even though she had stopped talking his name echoed in Rico's mind "Rico! Rico!"_

"Rico! Rico!" Yelled Skipper as he tried to get the attention of the team's weapons expert.

Finally Rico shook his head and came back to reality. He noticed that the others were looking at him as if they expected him to do a trick.

"Well Rico are you going to explain to these men what you explained to me earlier?" Skipper questioned as he motioned his flipper towards Kowalski and Private.

Rico sighed and grunted "uh huh" as he slowly waddled over to the rest of the team. The four of them sat down around the very table where all this began with his doll.

Rico looked around the table at the others. Private looked excited to see what he had to say, Kowalski had his notebook and pencil out ready to take down notes, and Skipper just sat with his flippers crossed.

When Skipper realized they had been sitting in silence for a few minutes he looked at Rico and gestured for him to begin.

Rico sighed heavily and started from the beginning.

As he continued to tell the team of his past experiences Rico could feel tears forming in his eye. He decided that this time he wouldn't hide them from the others. He knew that this would be a sign of weakness, but he didn't care. Rico wanted them to know how much all this meant to him.

The four of them sat around that table for the majority of the day, Rico doing most of the talking. Occasionally Private would ask a question or two, but other than that the three of them remained silent.

As Rico concluded his story he could tell it had affected his friends. He noticed that Private and Kowalski both had matted down feathers on their face from crying. He even swears he saw Skipper shed a tear, although he would never admit it. Rico was glad to see that this affected them as much as it affected him, it meat that they now truly understood the manic penguin.

Private and Kowalski were completely thrown back by the tragic events that shaped Rico's life. Private especially, he never knew that under that extremely hard out shell there was such a caring and loving penguin.

"Well men" Skipper started as he stood from the table, derailing Private's train of thought "it's getting late; we should try to get some sleep, we'll need the rest for tomorrow's special mission."

"But sir I don't have any missions scheduled for tomorrow." Kowalski said as he flipped through his notes.

"That's because it's not on the schedule Kowalski." Skipper replied as a smile crossed his beak.

Private, Rico, and Kowalski all looked at each other baffled by what Skipper was saying.

"Skippa, what's this _special mission_ you're talking about?" Questioned Private, sounding confused.

"That's classified information Private, you'll just have to wait until tomorrow" Skipper said with a smirk plastered on his face.

With that Private decided it would be best to drop the subject. He headed towards the bunks, passing Rico on the way.

At first Private walked right by him, but he stopped and went back to talk to the manic penguin.

"Hey Rico could I talk to you for a second?" asked Private softly, making sure that only Rico hear him.

Rico, seeing no reason to say no, decided it was best to see what the young penguin had to say.

Private lead Rico over towards the TV where Kowalski and Skipper couldn't hear them.

"I never knew you had such a horrible and unfortunate past. I just wanted to say that I have a new found respect for you." Private placed a flipper on Rico's shoulder and lowered his head. "I respect you for having the courage to relive these nightmares before us. I look up to you, not only as a penguin, but as a brother." Private gave Rico a brotherly hug before going off to his bunk.

Rico stood there thinking about what Private had just told him, _not only as a penguin, but as a brother. _Suddenly it hit Rico, his mother wasn't the only penguin to truly love him, because standing on the other side of the HQ were his three brothers, and even though they may never admit it, they loved Rico. Rico smiled at this sudden realization.

He turned around and headed towards his bunk. Rico ascended into his bunk. He could hear Private and Kowalski talking.

"So what do you think tomorrow's _special mission_ is going to be k'walski?"

"I'm not sure Private, but I think our best option would be to just wait until tomorrow. There's no way Skipper's going to tell us tonight." Kowalski said as he placed his notebook down and slipped into his bunk.

Private waddled over to his bunk and climbed in "Yea I guess we'll just have to wait until tomorrow"

_Well did you guys like it, let me know by reviewing. The next chapter will probably be up this weekend so you won't have to wait long to see what the "special mission" is. I'm thinking there will only be two or three more chapters to this story so it's slowly coming to an end. I would like to inform you that I will be starting a Skilene soon, just a heads up to my fans out there. Well until next time Arreviderci!_


	9. Funeral for a Friend

_I'm sad to say that this is the last chapter to As I Am. I will be writing a A/N for the next update just to tie up any loose ends. I hope you guys enjoy the conclusion to As I Am._

**Funeral for a Friend**

As the morning crept up on the Central Park zoo, Skipper could be seen outside the zoo walls, preparing for his special mission. He had to make sure that everything was perfect before he woke the others.

Once he was satisfied with his work, Skipper headed back to the HQ to finally wake up the rest of his team.

He climbed down the ladder, grabbed a cup of fish coffee, and stood in front of the penguin's bunks.

"Rise and shine boys!" He barked as he took a sip of his coffee, "We've got an important day in front of us."

The three penguins hopped out of their beds and stood straight up in front Skipper, flippers pressed against their heads in a salute.

"At ease men." Skipper said as he took yet another sip of his coffee. The three penguins dropped their feathers to their sides.

"Today we are going to embark on probably our most important mission yet, especially for one of us." Skipper continued as he smiled warmly and looked at Rico.

Rico was confused; what mission could they possibly go on that had any importance to him?

"But sir what is today's mission exactly?" Kowalski inquired, "We haven't received any information on it." he said as he furiously flipped through his notes.

"That's because I haven't given you any Kowalski." Responded Skipper. He put his coffee down and motioned towards the ladder. "Shall we begin?"

Private, Kowalski, and Rico gingerly made their way towards the ladder, filled with anticipation.

"Oh I can't wait to find out what were doing!" Squeaked Private as he exited the HQ

"I wouldn't get to excited Private." Skipper said sternly; he knew today wasn't going to be fun, he knew today wasn't going to be filled with joy, but he did know that today had to happen.

"Why is that Skippa?" Private asked, concerned with Skippers tone.

Skipper, however, didn't answer Privates question. He though it would just be better for the young penguin to find out for himself.

The four of them, behind Skipper's lead, left their habitat and moved towards the exit of the zoo. They exited out the side gate and found themselves standing in the park.

Skipper slid on his belly as he led the rest of his team to a tree in the middle of the park. Underneath the tree was a dirty shovel and a small hole Skipper had dug out earlier that morning.

Private, Kowalski, and Rico all popped up from their belly slides and circled around the hole. They stared down into the it, wondering if this had anything to do with the special mission.

Kowalski pulled out his abacus and started to crunch some numbers. "I'd say by my calculations that this hole is 3.2 feet deep" He declared to no one in particular.

Rico was still confused; was this hole part of the special mission? He was about to ask Skipper but Private beat him to the punch.

"Skippa what are we doing here? And why are we standing around this hole?" Asked Private, equally befuddled as Rico.

"We're doing this, _all_ of this, for Rico" Skipper answered. He walked behind the tree, returning with some flowers and a duplicate picture of Rico's mother.

"Rico I think it's time we give your mother a proper burial." Skipper continued. He put the flowers down and handed the picture to Rico.

Rico stared longingly into his mother's eyes. He let one tear fall from his cheek, and with a kiss he handed the picture back to Skipper.

Skipper took the picture and slowly put it into the hole. He then took half the flowers and put them in there as well.

"We are here today to lie to rest Rico's beloved mother. Even though only one of us ever met her, all of us have been touched by her story. She would be proud to see her son now. Not only is he a great solider, he's a great penguin, and a great brother. You will be forever missed." As Skipper finished his statement he grabbed the shovel and handed it to Rico. "I think… you should do the honors."

Rico grabbed the shovel and stuck it into the ground. He pulled the shovel up from the ground and held it over the hole.

"Goodbye." Was all Rico said before he started to fill the hole with dirt.

Skipper than placed the rest of the flowers on top of the grave. He turned to face his team. He noticed that Privates eyes were red from crying, and saw Kowalski hiding behind his clipboard trying to hide his emotions.

His eyes then fell upon Rico. He was just staring blankly towards the sky, shovel in hand.

"Do you think she's watching?" Rico asked quietly not taking his eyes off the sky.

"I don't _think_ she's watching Rico, I _know_ she's watching." Skipper responded confidently. He walked up behind Rico a placed a comforting flipper on his shoulder. Rico looked over his shoulder to see Skipper.

"Thank you Skipper." Rico said sincerely.

Skipper patted Rico on the shoulder a few times; Rico knew this was his way of saying "your welcome".

Skipper left Rico standing alone as he went to talk to the rest of the team.

"Hey Rico we're going to go back to the HQ, you come when your ready ok?" Skipper told Rico as they were on they're way back to the zoo.

Rico just nodded his head signifying that he heard him.

Rico stood staring at the sky for a few more minutes before he decided to speak.

"Well mom I guess you're finally home." Was all he said. He dropped the shovel and headed back to the HQ.

An overwhelming sense of joy passed through Rico's body. He was finally, with out a doubt, one hundred percent sure that his mothers soul had been laid to rest.

_Ok well there it is. I hope you guys enjoyed the whole story, don't forget to review and tell me what you though of As I Am. As I said before in my last chapter (and I'll probably say it agian in the A/N) I will be writing a Skilene next. I do have a few things to adress that are improtant to the story in the A/N so I would recomend reading it. Well until next time arriverderci!_


	10. The Final Cut

**The Final Cut**

Hey. We have a lot to talk about right now concerning my story As I Am. First and foremost I would like to thank ALL of you who have read my story. I would like to send even more thanks to those who reviewed my story; you all know who you are. It means a lot to me that you guys have all given me positive reviews. It encourages me to continue writing. For all of those who read and didn't review, I hope you all liked it, because I'll never know if you did or not. I would also like to send out some huge thanks to two very helpful people. The first is **Porsche101** who really helped me out in the beginning of the story, and proofread the first few chapters for me. Not to mention all the positive motivation she gave me in the early stages of my first fic. The next person I would like to thank personally is **Monsy 38**. She was my betareader for the final few chapters. Not to mention she gave me someone to talk to when I had terrible cases of writers block. If any of you guys reading this have never read either one of their stories I would HIGHLY recommend you do it after you finish reading the rest of this.

Ok now that that's out of my system I need to talk about the story itself. There were a few things that I left out of the story on accident. First of all I did notice that I did not mention how Rico got his scar. When I finally realized that forgot to put it in it was too late to go back and add it, so I decided to leave it out. I also noticed that I stopped Rico's story before he met the other penguins. This I also noticed too late to put in, so again I decided to leave it as it was. The story took a turn that I wasn't expecting when I was originally thought of the idea, but I think it was a turn for the best.

I would like to say that this story has given me the confidence to continue writing on here. As you know I'm planning on writing a Skilene, but I'm also thinking about writing a Marski and a Kowalski/Rico story. If you guys have any ideas or suggestions for plots I would be more than happy to hear what you guys have to say.

Well as much as it pains me to say it, all good things must come to an end. So this will be the last time you hear from me until my next fic. Until then arrivederci!


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